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12.07.2004

Some perspective

Philip has managed to sum me and Taylor up nicely on his blog. He says:

He repeatedly had very negative experiences at Taylor, to the point where he initiated legal action for several reasons.
That put it in perspective for me. Trying to codify this and watching people who haven't experienced what I have and don't care to understand what I've experienced, has been difficult. Continually being judged over and over and over again wears on a person. It's especially hard when I doubt that if faced with the same experiences and choices, that they wouldn't do the same. It's especially hard when there are alumni and students who feel the need to protect the institution is more imporant than my and many others' well-being, emotionally and spiritually.

I think I really struggled with the idea that I was telling people what happened to me, but that they didn't seem to care. Some chose not to believe what I say. So be it. In a lot of ways, a lot of people the past couple of weeks have only reinforced the idea that Taylor is much more important than I. Their comments and e-mails say as much. They seem to believe that I don't have a right to speak ill of the school. That any anger, outrage, sorrow and pain I have were not only misplaced, but wrong (and my fault). They think I'm propogating some conspiracy theory and launching attacks on their favorite professors.

They refuse to open their eyes.

Taylor is perfect and you're not, they seemed to say. The message hitting me was that we don't care about you, only about Taylor -- and that message hit me hard (harder than I expected).

But Philip, whether he meant to or not, put everything back into a perspective I can handle. I just take some comfort in hearing someone else say it. Repeated negative experiences. Repeated.